Well as most of you know, mainly my family and friends because they’re the only ones who read my blog, (love ya) I have been single for almost four years. I often get the question from guys, how can you be single that long? you’re perfect. Okay maybe I exaggerated on the perfection part – but somewhere along those lines thats what they say.
I told myself for the longest time well the reason I’m single is because of them, It’s the guys fault –
it always is. Right? Wrong. I finally got my head out my butt and started to look deeper, questioning what about me was wrong, am I truly happy with who I am?
I believe no one will ever be 100% happy with themselves. It’s true – you are always going to want to better yourself or fix something externally or internally. But as of now being a twenty one year old going to school, making 4.0’s, juggling a job and a side business, and maintaining a pretty decent social life – I’m happy.
But I still feel like there is something missing – ya know, that want you have deep down to share memories with someone you actually care about. I am not asking to find my husband and I am not even looking for a relationship per se, but my want right now is to have actually have a real connection with a man that does not include late night booty calls or trust issues because I hear around town you’re sleeping around.
But why is that so hard?
I am so tired – I mean I am literally beat down, from getting to know someone inside and out telling them everything about you. Like about how my biggest pet peeve is when someone eats something crunchy and it’s quiet or my dream date is just to cruise down back roads with the windows down. It becomes repetitive and emotionless. It’s like “I don’t even want to tell you my favorite color because with the last fifty guys it didn’t even matter, so why would it to you?”
Of course me being weak though – I let them in. Soon enough they know everything about me and I have desire to learn everything about them. And I become invested in that person. You get that deep conversation that everyone wants to have. And well for me, something always bad happens and I’m not really sure what it is. Because I have got a list of excuses. And all of these excuses have been over text
- I’m just not into you
- I’m not ready for a relationship
- You party too much (HA)
- You’re a sweet girl, I just don’t see myself with you
- OR NOTHING – you just never hear from them again
But what I want to know is…
How can it be that easy?
How do you just date someone – or even talk to them for weeks – learn everything about them and then just act like you’ve never met them. HOW DO YOU DO THAT? Maybe I just care too much. But your feelings aren’t even hurt a little bit? It’s like their response is emotionless. I am almost dumbfounded every time.
Now I get feelings change and so do people – 100% comprehended. And I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t want to be. But don’t let me waste my time and yours just to get a bullshit excuse. It can’t be that easy to just let someone go you told all your pointless stories to – at least I hope it’s not. So to all my past boyfriends/flings/douchebags: with the next girl invest more feelings in her and actually give her a real reason, because it sucks thinking something is wrong with you.
Stay Single My Friends,